This needs to change...

SO this month has SUCKED for me poker wise. I'm kind of pissed (like erik) so bear with me. So far this month I'm down around 600$. I should be up around 200$ (which is consistent with my last months winnings). I'm running close to 800$ under Ev. This sucks. I feel like im making most of the right decesions and not spewing. I'm NOT falling back into my 'old routine' of getting tilted when I run bad. This consists of making horrible call downs "just because fuck it" and I'm NOT starting to 4b bluff someone who might be 3betting me alot but I don't have a solid read on them. I've just been playing my game, folding to 3bets from guys who 3bet a little to much and just waiting for like JJ+ and owning them when they level themselves by calling w 10 10 to my UTG 4b shove. I'm not cbetting boards I shouldn't be, unless I have some sort of timing tell (like a note that says snap check-will fold) on the guy. I AM double barreling and tripple barreling Nits who have to fold/have shown they will fold their MP/PP against my tripple barrel on like a K63210 board. I AM going for thin value against fishy players who ch/call the flop/ turn and Check the river even if a draw gets their/overcard hits, because I'm pretty sure they will call still with MP. However, my QQ/JJ keeps losing to AK, My AK is losing to 99-QQ, My KK is running into AA more than i have ever seen before, and my AA is getting cracked by under pairs constantly. Another example of how I am not winning is this:

I raise pf on the BU with a TPGK type hand, flop TPGK, against a fish. I bet dry flop for value, turn completes Gutshot, but puts a Flush draw out there and I value bet, river is a blank and villain checks. Say I check, Villain shows the made Gutshot that hit on the turn. Deciding whether to bet or not on the river is pretty tough some of the time for me, especially if I'm unsure villain will call with MP or if he will bluff raise with a missed fd/straight draw.

But anyways, The hand i described above is an example of what is happening time and time again. I'm running into strong parts of villains ranges, and my value bets are either getting raised or snapped off by better hands.

I'll pot my graph to show you what I mean. But near the end of the graph, you can see where my EV starts dipping down -that's from examples like the one above and of course some mistakes aswell.

Although through all of this downswing, My redline has stayed pretty much break even, where as last month it was pretty much straight down. I feel it is due to my willingness to attack small pots when I should, and being able to commit to my double barrel or tripple barrel when I feel it will show a profit.

Lastly, My all time EV graph is just about even with my winnings. This is due to my attempt at 100nl in the summer. I ran about 5 buyins above EV at 100nl (which was nice), but now I'm really paying for it at 50nl I feel. I just wish it would even out as I win instead of losing about 25% of my bankroll in under 10k hands.

So that's it. That's what I've been going through and how stressfull poker has become. With my car accident and me getting a new phone/my own plan, I feel like poker is starting to feel like how it was last semester. Meaning this: Last semester and even during the summer I had no extra cash available to pay my bills/afford a 'quality life' ( i guess you would call it). All of my poker winnings went to pretty much living costs/books for college. Had I not ben in the car accident I would feel much less stress and feel a sense of freedom with poker. Now it's like I'm stuck for about 800$ and need to make up for it ASAP. It's stressfull and is going to affect my volume since I don't feel like playing in this state of mind. On top of all of this, I'm pretty far behind in school because of being sick/missing some classes. I got to get through this 'life' downswing and move on. How I'm going to do so is the hard part to figure out =/